Highway Patrol


Thika road is the only highway with bumps everywhere. You may argue that the bumps are mostly around garden city or at that west African capital called Roysambu but even Githurai through to Kenyatta road and Juja is just too bumpy for a fast ride.

Do you still love speed like you used to? Do you still hate being stuck in traffic especially when you’re hungry and its sunny outside? I still dislike the police patrol guys found at Ngara and that stretch along Pangani is still the best part of the highway. Traffic opens up like a flower only for the highway patrol guys to slow you down at Ngara’s Fig-Tree area. (Why was that place even called Fig-Tree?)

Anyhu! At times I get the temptation to alight and walk to town. I have done it a couple of times. There’s a day I had to part with an extra hundred bob because I had to take a bike from Ngara to Khoja. I was running late for a date and I didn’t want to keep her waiting far too long like she had already. So when the highway patrol guys opened up the traffic on the opposite lane, I had to act.

There are times when the urge to alight becomes too strong but the conductor insists “kushuka ni stage!”

“manze acha nishukie tu apa at bro!”

“Hapa masanse ni noma buda! Unataka niache uende job mi nikienda ndani?”

That question will always send you quietly back to your seat. You will quietly go back to your seat and understand. You will understand the conductor because he is protecting his job from the police. You will also understand that our highway patrol guys put their lives on the line for us every single day. You will understand that they’ve got a tough job to maintain public safely and hold accountable those who break the law.

I personally enjoy the law at times. (Most times actually). I love to speed. I love racing cars whether it’s on the highway, in the streets or wherever. If you want to patrol the highway, then you have to do it my way.

My way involves speeding things up like a chemical reaction. I am the guy who will go straight to the point when I want a relationship with you. I am the friend who will avoid the service lane when I want to sleep with you. I am the guy who will feel disappointed if word spreads that you warned your friends not to love me. I am the guy who will expect you to go patrol elsewhere if you see me speeding long your way.

I respect all those who care for their friends but patrolling my moves is none of your business. Why should it bother you if am dating or just had a break up? Why should it bother you if I kissed her on a first date or she paid for our first lunch date?

And don’t get me wrong. Am not saying you shouldn’t care but people like you are the reason we keep buying insurance premiums. If you like it slower than am driving it, you can always alight. If you don’t like it that am talking to her, get used to it. If you don’t agree with how I do it and you aren’t strong enough to tell me to my face, how will I grow?

I do things the way I do them because that is my highway. And unless you are driving with me, don’t patrol me. Not that I’m being a smart-ass. All I am saying is if you caught me, then you were speeding too. Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think… “Oh Shit it’s the cops!”



  1. Shots fired.. hehe. But yes, i get people should always mind their own businesses. We are all different and so are our highways, so lets learn to respect people’s ways of living.

  2. Whoa!! This one is an angry one.
    Wait, so masanse is another slang for police😅. Ps: that’s not the only thing I’m taking home from this article. 😅😅


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